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HOW TO GET BABES -- A GUIDE FOR GEEKS

Take it from an expert, here's how to get the babes:

1. Show them your T1 lines and your modifications to the Linux kernel -- they'll be very impressed.
2. Grunt when they say anything to you -- remember, avoid eye contact at all costs.
3. Never leave your home -- any babes worthy of your attention will come knocking on your door.
4. Surf the net for porn, so you know what real women should look like.
5. Test whether they really love you; never, ever shave or shower.
6. Don't exercise -- the weak, pudgy mess that you are will evoke maternal feelings of sympathy.
7. Be their knight in shining armor, help them with their school work/computers -- they'll fall in love with
you instantly.
8. If they talk to you, it means that they love you.
9. Remember, girls always prefer email to real mail.
10. Sitting three seats behind them on the bus is a good start.
11. Become a billioniare -- trade money for babes.
12. Write the next, killer software app -- your fame will draw them to you.
13. Remember, what's cool to your geek friends is cool to babes too.
14. Always be practical and logical. Tell her "Why can't you be more rational?" when she has one of those
moods again.
15. Make them understand that you are more evolved than that hunky football star.
16. Declare that you are homosexual -- that never fails to interest them; pounce when guard is down.
17. Babes always go for the stronger man -- duke it out over a game of Quake.
18. Write a geeky web page.
19. Use mnemonics to aid communication e.g. Hello == main(){, Goodbye == }
20. Increase your "reproductive fitness" -- become the Alpha geek of your pack
21. The woman you're talking to on the net really is female and most likely a babe -- and remember,
cybersex is as good as real sex.

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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

He asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!"

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Did you hear about the blond who had a hysterectomy so she'd stop having grandchildren?

Kinky: Using A Feather. Sick: Using The Whole Chicken

Q. Why Do You Take A blonde Shopping With You? A. To Be Able To Park In The HandiCapped Zone.

I think, therefore I am, I think

Golf rules for beginners: